Sesma Against Bullying

Verbal Bullying

At some point in our lives we are going to be called a name, whether at school, home, club or even work place.
Unfortunately it’s life, there always has been and always will be name calling.

But, It doesn’t mean that it is right and that you have to put up with it.

Banter or Bullying?

We just need to work out if its friendly banter or bullying and it can be confusing to try and work out whether the name calling is banter or bullying.

Was it said as a joke? Like being called a muppet or nugget if you made a mistake or your parents or club sports coach giving or calling you by a nick name. Also if it is a one off incident then it may be that it is banter. However, if the name calling becomes persistent and regular and if it makes you uncomfortable and you have told them to stop but they are still name calling, then this is what we call verbal bullying.

Verbal bullying can be about anything, weight, appearance, race, religion, sex, parents, possessions, seriously anything can be used.

sesma against bullying norwich newmarket verbal bullying

We could go in to why people do it” and how it makes you feel”  but really you want to know how to STOP IT.

It is never easy to try to STOP IT

It can take a lot of courage to try and take a stand against bullying. You may have reached a point where you feel unable to take any more or you may be trying to get it stopped before it goes too far. You may be worried if you do report the bullying, it might get worse, but you have to also ask yourself, can you really take much more or how will you cope if it escalates. 

Is it better to try and get it stopped, which may not happen straight away and even may get worse, but it will stop, OR continue being called names and feeling upset everyday for the rest of your school life?

To try and get the bullying to stop you can try to do the following:

Report the bullying to a teacher or someone at school you feel safe with. They may be able to take action and get the bullying to stop. If you are worried that it might make it worse, perhaps you can ask the teacher to just keep an eye on it as they then might see it themselves and take action.

Tell a parent or a family member. This can give you lots of strength and a parent or family member can help you to get the bullying to stop. They can also give you lots of emotional support. It is important to try and tell someone in your family what is going on so you are not bottling things up. Talking about what you are going through can give you courage to get it stopped.

Ignore it and walk away. Quite often the bully stops when they are no longer receiving attention or a reaction from the bullying. It is always difficult to try and ignore it especially when it is so upsetting or if it is constant but if they don’t get a reaction, it can stop.

Be assertive with the bully and say their name calling is boring or making them look stupid. However, it is important to ensure that this course of action doesn’t cause them to become aggressive or make the bullying worse. You may think a quiet chat with them when they are on their own might work, but if you do so, please take a friend with you for support.

Physical Intervention
Sometimes even when you have done all of the above, the name calling continues and it may mean that you might have to resort to violence.
Sometimes it is the only thing a bully understands. He will no longer see you as weak or as a victim and will stop or move on to someone else.
Schools don’t like the use of physical intervention and it may lead to you having detention or your parents being brought in to school.
Verbal Bullying can lead to:  Depression, Anxiety, Isolation, Withdrawal, Humiliation, Self Harming and possibly Suicide.

So being told off by your teacher is a small price to pay for stopping the bullying.

It is very difficult to understand why someone would want to use insults towards others on a regular basis, especially if they have been told or asked to stop. There may be various reasons why someone acts in this way towards others:

  • They might be doing this to impress their friends or build up some type of reputation
  • They may have been bullied themselves and to deflect the attention or because they are angry, they go onto bully someone else. 
  • They might be enjoying the attention or reaction 
  • They might be having problems at home or at school so they are taking this out on someone else
  • Lack of self-esteem of confidence so they act in a negative way
  • They might be angry and frustrated and looking to take things out on someone else.

Clearly, there are many more reasons why someone might be bullying others. Each individual who bullies others in this way will have their own reasons or excuses. They might be copying the behaviour from his or her friends and might feel more accepted if they join in with the name calling and bullying. Young people we have worked with often say when they speak to the bully when they are alone, they act differently. Whatever motivates someone to bully another person, their justifications offer little comfort to those affected.

Someone who is being bullied in this way may feel lots of different emotions. Often a young person might act like they are ok on the outside but inside they may be feeling very low. They might not want to show how they are really feeling in case others think they are making a big deal out of nothing, or cannot take a joke and perhaps they are even worried it might get worse.  They may also start to believe the verbal bullying and this will knock self-esteem. To understand how a person feels on the inside, it is important to try and see how they might be feeling if they are being called these names day in and day out. Many young people say to us that they often the feel some of the following emotions: 

  • Depressed
  • Anxious
  • Isolated
  • Withdrawn
  • Suicidal
  • Humiliated
  • Low
  • Upset
  • Angry
  • Frustrated
  • Start to believe it or blame themselves 

A person might bottle up their emotions and try not to let it show to their friends or family. It can be hard for someone to feel all those things and try to keep it to themselves and often as a result their behaviour may change. They may show their feelings in other ways and know the signs to look out is really important. We often ask young people how they think the behaviour would show itself if someone bottled up how they really felt. They felt that a person may:

  • Self-harm
  • Feel depressed
  • Withdraw socially and stop going out
  • Avoid social media or messenger
  • Feel anxious about going to school 
  • Be very angry and be aggressive
  • Bully others
  • Develop an eating disorder
  • Turn to drinking or taking drugs

In extreme cases, a person may feel so low they may attempt to or actually take their life. This is sadly a reality for some families who have lost a loved one through bullying.