Back to School: When Parents Worry Too
The summer holidays are nearly over. Uniforms are being checked, school shoes are being bought and parents everywhere are suddenly wondering where those six weeks went!
For many families, going back to school is exciting. But it can also bring a few butterflies — and not just for the children.
As a parent, you might find yourself wondering:
Will they settle in? Will they make friends? Will they cope with the work? What if they’re unhappy?
And if your child is starting a new school, particularly moving into Year 7, those worries can feel even bigger.
It’s Normal to Worry
When our children take another step towards independence, we’re not always quite as ready as we think we are.
A child moving into Year 1 might suddenly seem very grown up.
Moving into a new year could mean a different teacher, different classroom and friendship groups changing.
And then there’s Year 7.
New school. New teachers. New classmates. Finding their way around a much bigger building. Getting on a bus alone. Remembering homework, PE kits and which classroom they’re supposed to be in!
That’s a big change for them — and for you.
Worrying doesn’t mean you don’t think your child can cope. It usually means you care enormously about what happens to them.
Try Not to Pass Your Worries On
Children are incredibly good at picking up on our emotions.
You may think you’re hiding your concerns, but repeatedly asking:
“Are you worried about going back?”
“Are you sure you’ll be OK?”
“What if you don’t know anybody?”
can unintentionally suggest that there is something they should be worried about.
Instead, try gentle, open questions:
“What are you looking forward to?”
“Is there anything you’re not sure about?”
“What do you think your new teacher will be like?”
Then listen.
Sometimes children don’t need us to solve the problem. They simply need to know they can talk about it.
Don’t Try to Remove Every Challenge
This is a difficult one for parents.
Our natural instinct is to protect our children from anything uncomfortable.
But small challenges are also how children learn that they can cope.
Finding the courage to walk into a new classroom, introduce themselves to somebody, ask a teacher for help or find their way around a new school all help develop independence.
We don’t have to remove every butterfly.
Sometimes we simply need to help our children realise they can do things even when the butterflies are there.
Year 7 Can Feel Particularly Big
The move from primary to secondary school is probably one of the biggest changes children experience during their school years.
Suddenly they go from being among the oldest children in a familiar school to being the youngest in a much bigger one.
Parents often worry about bullying, friendships, travelling to school, homework and whether their child will cope with greater independence.
Your child may surprise you.
The little person who couldn’t remember where they’d left their shoes during the summer holidays may suddenly navigate six classrooms, three teachers and a school bus perfectly well!
There may be hiccups along the way. That’s part of learning.
5 Things Parents Can Do Before School Starts
- Get the routine back gradually
Start bringing bedtimes and mornings closer to the school routine. That first Monday is much easier when their body clock isn’t still operating on holiday time.
- Talk positively about school
You don’t need to pretend everything will be perfect. Simply remind them of things they can look forward to — seeing friends, learning something new or joining clubs.
- Let them prepare
Depending on their age, let your child pack their bag, organise their stationery or help prepare their uniform. Small responsibilities build confidence.
- Make talking normal
Rather than waiting for a problem, regularly ask about their day. And remember, “How was school?” will usually receive “Fine.”
Try something more specific:
“What made you laugh today?”
“What was the best bit?”
“Was anything difficult?”
- Give it time
Not every child walks through the school gates on day one and instantly loves their new class.
Some children need a few days or weeks to settle.
That’s OK.
And Remember to Give Yourself Time Too
Going back to school is a transition for the whole family.
You might feel excited, nervous, relieved or even a little emotional.
Your child is growing up.
But every new school year is another opportunity for them to discover what they’re capable of.
Give them encouragement, give them somewhere safe to talk and, perhaps most importantly, let them know that you believe in them.
Because sometimes the confidence children need to take that next step begins with knowing that someone they love believes they can do it.
A Little Extra Support
Confidence, resilience and learning how to handle challenges aren’t only useful in the classroom.
They’re skills children carry with them throughout life.
At SESMA Martial Arts, we see children grow in confidence as they learn new skills, overcome challenges, make friends and discover that getting something wrong doesn’t mean giving up.
If you’d like your child to build confidence, focus and resilience in a fun and supportive environment as they begin their new school year, why not book a free trial class and let them come along and give martial arts a try?